IN OUR BODIES
Yes, when was the last time you raced with your wife???
You might mockingly or disapprovingly smile, yet the question remains, for it bespeaks an invitation to you to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, in his kind attitude toward his wives. If you claim to follow and love the Noble Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, Sunnah, in keeping a beard, cleaning your teeth with a Siwaak (tooth stick) and shortening your clothes to reach above the ankle, you are likewise required to emulate him in the way he treated his spouses .
Rasulullah sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "He is the best amongst you who is the kindest towards his wives and I am the kindest amongst you towards my wives."
Thus, racing was a compassionate gesture of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, in order to be friendly and open with his wives.
'Aa'ishah [Allah be pleased with her] narrates that as a young and thin girl, she was once accompanying the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, on one of his journeys. He, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam asked his Companions to move ahead of them, which they did. He, sallaallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, then asked to race with her; she did and won. Some time later, after she had forgotten about this, she was with the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, on another of his journeys and he wanted to race her. She wanted to excuse herself, by telling him she could not, since she had gained some weight, but he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, insisted. They raced and this time he won; so the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, laughed and said; "This [is] for that."
Some husbands contend that they do not race with their wives because they are too busy and have many responsibilities. Our retort is that by no means can they be busier than the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, who bore the responsibility of conveying the Message of Islam to the entire world. He also led the army in combat alongside running errands for his family and doing household chores. Nevertheless, all this did not stop him from twice racing with his wife 'Aa'ishah[RA] .
Other husbands might argue that the streets are not a suitable place for racing; so, they can surely take their wives away from people, on a picnic. Moreover, competition is not just in running. One can compete to win in a permissible electronic game or general knowledge quiz, in which one can ask each other questions and keep score.
A third group of husbands believes that such competitions may cause their wives to become too bold and eventually challenge them. This is not true, because the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, raced with his wife, so this is an act to be followed, for copying his behaviour with his wives can bring nothing but good. Also, modern research has established that being kind and easygoing with one's wife makes it easier for her to be mindful of you.
There are lessons to be learned from the aforementioned incident related by 'Aa'ishah concerning the Prophet's, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, kindness toward his wives.
1- The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was the one to ask for a race both times. This teaches husbands that they should take the initiative in such competitions. Wives may be too busy with housework or fear rejection or, as is the generally innate nature of women, be too shy to propose such an idea. However, on their part, they should try to urge their husbands when they see they are free and in a good mood.
2- A husband should not incessantly brag of superiority over his wife. We notice that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, outran 'Aa'ishah after she had already outran him the first time.
3- Alternately, a husband should neither always deliberately lose for the sake of his wife or the competition would be meaningless. The factor that decided the win of 'Aa'ishah the first time was her youth and fitness, and when she put on some weight, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, outran her.
4- A husband should remember that such competitions are just for amiability and fun. Neither of the spouses should get worked up or a row could ensue and the activity would lose its desired aim. This can be understood from the reaction of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, who only cheerfully referred to his win to counter that of 'Aa'ishah's .
The Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said :
"May Allaah show mercy to a man who adopts a kind attitude when he sells, buys and demands for the repayment of loans."
A scholar once asked another greater than him in knowledge,
"How much should I build?"
"As much as shelters you from the sun and the rain."
"How much food should I eat?"
"More than what keeps you hungry and less than what makes you full."
"How much should I wear?"
"As the Messiah (Jesus) did."
"How much should I laugh?"
"As much as appears on your face but does not make audible your voice."
"How much should I cry?"
"Never tire from crying out of the fear of Allâh."
"How much should I hide my deeds?"
"Until people think you had not done a good deed."
"How much should I make public my deeds?"
"As much as will let the keen follow your example but not have the people talk about you."
"Everything has two ends and a middle. If you grab one end, the other will slant, but if you take the middle, both ends will balance. Stick to the balanced middle in all affairs."
I met a guy whilst partying, he seemed nice. We danced through the night till 2am. He seemed very decent , started to drink quite a bit and was ofcourse trying to get close to me. He managed to lure me through the back of the club, hence exiting via the lane through the Emergency exit. We did start to kiss and being a guy, he wanted to go further. Conveniently, he had his car in lane. He lured me into the back of the car and he wanted to go further. Although, him being under the influence of alchohol, I did know my limits and refused him to go any further.
He would not listen and I became slightly scared, he eventually started using his strong framework to hold me down. My heart was pumping, I begged him to let me go but he was out of control due. I knew my limits, having a 1 night stand was certainly a standard I would never drop to. I screamed for help but no one came. I was crying so much and was emotionally very uspet as you can imagine. I managed to smash the back window of the car using my leg and screamed for help. This 'animal' managed to take my dress off from the top and was was trying his best to basically 'rape' me. That time in the car I wont ever forget. I was crying and begging for him to leave me. That time of struggle has stained and tarnished my memories for life.
And then, suddenly, an 'Angel' came to save me. A man with a beard came over, early 30's, with his strong hands pulled the guy out of the car ,threw him to the ground and kicked him a few times. The guy was so taken back , he fled and ran away. I was crying and half naked.
The man lowerd his gaze and took off his jacket. It was very cold and I put on his jacket. Around his neck was his taxi ID. I was at relief. He gave me a hankey and asked if I was ok. I looked at him and thanked him ever so much for saving my life, my respect and my dignity. He asked me if I wanted to call the Police as I was so shaken and upset. I thankfully did not get raped, I refused his offer and just wanted to go home. He asked again, I said no, and then I asked him if he would take me home. I was crying so much.
He said ,"Ofcourse madam, more than welcome", with such a soft tender voice.
As I approached his private hire taxi car, he refused to let me sit at the front of his taxi, and said ,
"Madam, would you mind if you sat at the back?". I had no problems with that. I was crying and he said,: "Madam, you should not be out alone at this time of the night and you should stick with your friends. Further, you should not be so naive and just trust anyone you meet in a club". He was absolutely right.
Throughout the long journey to my home, he hardly looked in the front mirror when talking to me and he spoke in a very soft tone. He had a long beard and had the beads hanging on his mirror. I recognised the beads as a Muslim colleague at work also had the beads on her car. I said to him, " You are a Muslim arent you?" and he replied "I sure am madam, and proud to be. I am born a Muslim and will die a Muslim"
He then said to me, "Do you want peace?"
I was confused and replied, " What do you mean?"
He then turned up his CD player volume up and it was definetly not music ! He said , "This is the Quraan,May I ask you to listen to it for 5 minutes with full devotion please".
I listened carefully.
It was a very different sound to the type of sounds I listen to and I did listen very carefully. And you know what? He was right, it was very peaceful, soothing and very relaxing. I enjoyed it ever so much,it was amazingly very peaceful to listen to and I was at ease.
He then asked , " How do you feel madam?"
I said ." Fantastic.. I really like that, it is indeed very peaceful"
He responded , " Madam, these are the words of the Quraan. I am a Muslim. I have been taught by Islam to respect women, to lower my gaze and to respect everyone , no matter what religion they come from. You were lucky I heard you scream. I was at the corner of the lane, my tyre had burst. I now know why Allah made my tyre puncture and it was with His power that he allowed for me to save you, through the choice of Allah.. You must accept this madam, you can thank me as much as you want, but I would suggest you say thanks to my Allah, for it was his choice for my tyre to puncture at that road and at that time"
I thought about what he said, he said his words very softly to me but equally, with so much devotion. He was a very nice man, a man who was my angel.
We came to my house, I invited him to come in for a coffee and he point blank refused. I went in, changed and came back to give him his jacket back. I then thanked him again, and asked ." How much Do I owe you?"
His reply hit me for 6, as he responded, " Madam, you have been through a very rough ordeal. Do you expect me to charge you? Just go home, relax and take it easy, I can imagine you will never forget this guy for years to come as to how he treated you and what could have happened. But I do ask you one thing please?"
I was so taken back and replied, " Please, go on"
He responded , " If you do tell anyone what happened, can you please tell everyone, that it was Muslim who came to help you? "
I said ,"Of course I will, this is the least I can do ". As soon as I said that, he responded, " Madam, I have to go now, I have a long drive ahead, I wish you all the best, please take this CD of the Quraan and do think about Islam, what Islam has to offer and how it can make you a better person"
I took the CD , thanked him with so much devotion and he left. I had tears from my eyes, this dude was a beautiful person.. And He Was A Muslim
A year on, I still have his CD and I do listen to it. I love listening to the Quraan, I do put it on at 5pm when I am stuck in London traffic ! I have explored Islam a lot more and I am also a member of The Islamic Email Circle where I receive the hadith on Monday and the Islamic article on Friday.
I would just like to say to all you Muslims out there: Muslims are amazing people, they have a heart of Gold, they have beautiful principles, manners and they are very caring people. This dude taxi driver, was a beautiful person who I wont ever forget. His approach and manners has also changed my life. I can not understand why people are so scared of Muslim men with beards, they are the most beautiful and caring people in the world. Indeed they are Angels.
I am still exploring Islam and have learnt a lot. Maybe one day, I will revert to Islam, so I need to ask you to make 'Dua' for me. But more importantly, I ask you to make 'Dua' for that taxi driver who saved my respect and life. I am sure your Allah will give him so much 'reward' . Dont You Agree?...
Thank you for taking time to read this
"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity " (Quran 24:26)
Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said: "A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Hadith-Bukhari and Muslim)
The following advice is relevant for both men and women equally.
Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.
However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say "she's not the one!"
The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.
On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).
The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..
The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?
The young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions…
The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.
The young man's first question was, Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?
She said, this is an easy question; my mother.
He smiled second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?
Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha'allah I've just been a bit busy.
The third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot prettier than you, why should I marry you?
Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence.
And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.
This time, the young man's parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!
The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,
The parents said so, what is wrong with that??
The young man said, "no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world"
If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.
The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?
And she said no, because I haven't had time yet.
So I thought of that hadith "All humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge"
She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.
The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?
That is why she stormed off, getting angry.
The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologize.
The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.
The Prophet (saws) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry" when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan."
If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??
So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not looks,
*practice, not preaching,
*Forgiveness, not anger,
*spiritual love, not lust.
One should look for a person who:
1) Has love for Allah (swt) and Muhammad [Peace be upon him]
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control their anger
4) and willing to compromise.
IMPORTANT POINTS TO NOTE PRIOR TO MARRIAGE
This advice is for both, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.
The Prophet (saws) said "Three groups of people Allah has obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste[pure]life". (Hadith-Tirmidhi)
Insha'allah, may Allah make every marriage a success, and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger(saw) so that Allah can bless us, and create love in our lives.
Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said:
"There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage "