Saturday, January 28, 2012

Marriage - The Right Choice

By Shahnaaz Bemath

Beloved Reader! The selection of a life partner is indeed a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. The best selection will lead to a blessed marriage in which the rights of each are fulfilled and will ensure that the home will be managed properly. It has been seen that marriages are most successful when the rules and regulations laid down by Islam are faithfully obeyed and properly applied. Children born out of such a marriage turn out to be true believers and good Muslims. They have sound judgment and a high level of intelligence because in such marriages, Islamic knowledge and practice are an emphasis when it comes to the children. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) commanded those who intend to marry, to select a partner who is religious. A partner who has a correct and true understanding of Islam, and whose actions and conduct are in conformity with it's teachings. Instead of setting a yardstick of beauty, prestige or wealth, Islam sets religion and piety as the criterion.

The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "If somebody whose religion (Deen) and character are satisfactory comes to you (proposes marriage), marry your daughter to him..." (Tirmidhi Sharief)

The proposals of religious males are often rejected because selection is made on a worldly basis. Worldly standards of wealth, looks and social standing are mainly considered when a suitable match is sought. There is no harm in choosing a partner with any of these traits. However it should be borne in mind that in the absence of a good religious background and piety, worldly advantage have no worth.

A Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband.

Family Background

A life partner must be from a devout, Islamically inclined family of good background since this will play an influential role in the couples future lives. Therefore, selection of a spouse must be one who has been brought up in pious and righteous surrounding. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "Marry into those of pious upbringing for what is bred in the bone is in the blood." Nothing is worst for a religious woman of high Islamic values and standards, then to fall into wedlock of a free-thinking, irreligious husband, who is un concerned about religious duties and practices. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "Whoever marries his daughter to a sinner, has indeed cut off ties with her." (Ibn Hibbaan).

In same way, nothing is worst for a religious minded male, then to choose a life partner who has a poor understanding of Islam and has little or no regard for it's teaching. It is most improbable that a woman who lacks the basic Islamic knowledge and has no piety, become a good wife or mother to anyone. Men who marry for beauty, wealth or glamour often end up regretting. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "A woman is married for any one of four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty and her piety. So try to marry one who is religious lest you regret." (Tirmidhi Sharief)

A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond and establishing a stable life, it is essential to choose a partner with good akhlaaq (character) in the first place.
"Be a WOMAN of the DEEN so that you deserve to be his QUEEN"
"Be a MAN of IMAN so that you deserve to be her MAN"
O ALLAH! Bless us with spouses of piety and righteousness. And may YOU make every marriage to be that beautiful institution as ordained by YOU and taught by YOUR Beloved Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam), AAMEEN...

Friday, January 20, 2012

motivational:"Rock With Me"

     "Rock With Me"


The Noble Messenger of Allah [peace be upon him] said: " Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection"[Hadith- Bukhari]

There was once an elderly, sad woman in a nursing home. She wouldn't talk to anyone or request anything. She seemed merely to exist. Besides performing her daily prayers she would spend the rest of the day rocking in her creaky old rocking chair.
The old woman didn't have many visitors. But every few days, a concerned and pious Allah conscious wise young nurse would go into her room. Besides making salaam(greeting),She didn't try to speak or ask questions of the old lady. She simply pulled up another rocking chair beside the old woman and rocked with her.
Weeks  later, the old woman finally spoke to the young nurse
'Thank you,' she said. 'Thank you for rocking with me, it meant so much'
The old woman thereafter came out of her "shell" and was a very sociable person! She just needed some caring love and support at a critical time in her life.
In life there are times when we are meant to talk and be supportive, and there are times when we can help by just being there. Actions, as we are told are often more important than words. The next time you know someone in need, just be there and be supportive.

The Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] said, "A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other." The Prophet[pbuh] then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced (while saying that). [Hadith- Bukhari]

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Marriage:Dating in Islam

What Islaam Says About Dating

The most common questions I get from young people are, "Do Muslims date?" and, "If they don't date, how do they decide whose the right person for them to marry?"

"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims – where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they want to marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.

1. Allah subhana wa'tala says:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and protect their private parts….And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts…" Surah al-Noor :30-31)

But Dating encourages people to deliberately look and stare and seek out the 'one' that you find attractive.

2. Allaah orders the Muslim women not to talk unnecessarily or in a soft manner to strange men.

"….then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire" (Surah al-Ahzaab :32)

Even for the Sahaabah, Allaah ordered them to screen themselves from the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) when they need to ask them something. Who could be purer than the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) and who could be higher in taqwa than the Sahaabah?

"And when you ask (the Prophet's wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. (Surah al-Ahzaab: 53)

Yet, in Dating, you see young men and women who are absolutely not mahram for one another in any way whatsoever, going way beyond this prohibition. Not only are they talking to each other in a soft and flirtatious way, but they are right out expressing their 'love' (in reality, lust) for each other.

3. The Sunnah prohibits a man and a woman from being alone together at any time.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram present, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan." (Ahmad — saheeh by al-Albaani)

But those who celebrate Valentine's Day purposely seek to be alone with each other and go out on dates with each other while Allaah says:

"And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)" (al-Isra' :32)

4. Islaam prohibits a man to even touch a non-mahram woman.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him." (al-Tabaraani –saheeh by al-Albaani)

But Dating promotes more than just touching. It promotes hugging, kissing, cuddling and much more. May Allaah protect us.

5. Islaam teaches us that real love between a man and a woman, that is acceptable and allowed by Allaah is only that between a husband and his wife.

"And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put love and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think. (al-Room: 21)

But DATES endorses haraam relationships between a non-mahram man and woman and encourages illicit love and un-Islaamic affiliations.

6. Islaam tells us that Hayaa' (modesty) and bashfulness are a jewel to be treasured.

It is a purity and innocence that is a virtue, regardless for a man or a woman. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"Hayaa' (modesty) is a branch of faith." (Bukhaari)

On the other hand, THESE dates and hanging out with opposite gender advocates nothing but shamelessness and immodesty.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life – with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

The following steps should be adopted:

  • Make du'a (supplication) to Allah; ask Him to help you find the right person.
  • The family should enquire, discusse, and suggest candidates. They should consult with each other, so as to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother should approache the other family to suggest a meeting.
  • Couple should meet in chaperoned, group environment. 'Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." (Bukhari/Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them." (Tirmidhi).
  • When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to, {lower their gaze and guard their modesty….} Islaam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, that is why this rule provides safety-measures for our own sake.
  • Family should investigate candidate further – speaking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn more about his or her character before making the final decision.
  • Couple should both pray Salaat-al-istikhaarah (The Prayer For Guidance, and thus seek Allah's help in making the decision.
  • An agreement should be made to either pursue marriage or part ways. Islaam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women – they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.

This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

That is why these marriages often prove successful.

And Allah knows best.!

Choosing a spouse- A Moral Story

Choosing a Wife and Husband :: A Moral Story For Brother & Sisters in ISLAM


Seeing that his mother was in a good mood, Ahmad sat near her and said, 'Mother, I have an idea which should bring you much joy." His mother answered eagerly, "My son, all that you give me makes me happy. What is on your mind?"

"You know," he told her, "I have finished my studies and can afford to begin a family. I have decided to marry."

His mother's face brightened with a smile. "This is very good news! I have long awaited such a day," she told him. "How often I have wished you would marry one of your cousins. Praise be to Allah that you have made this decision before it is too late!." Ahmad exclaimed, "Before it's too late? What do you mean?" "Your cousin Maryam is now old enough to marry. Every day there is someone visiting her home, seeking her hand."

Ahmad sat silently for a moment and said, "Then why should we bother her suitors?"

"What do you mean, Ahmad?," asked his mother, dismayed.

"My cousin Maryam is not fit for me."

"Why not? No, my son, you're mistaken. I shall go and see about your engagement tomorrow," his mother told him.

Ahmad frowned and said, "No, mother. Please do not do such a thing. I will not agree to this." "When she becomes your fiancé, you will feel love for her. Put aside your fears. Maryam is beautiful, and she has a respectable job."

Ahmad disagreed, "No. This matter only concerns me."

Ahmad's mother thought for a moment and said, "If you dislike Maryam, then there's my brother's daughter. She is as beautiful as Maryam, and she has inherited a large sum of money from my brother.

"Mother, please think about this matter from my point of view. I need someone to share my life, not a business partner."

His mother became angry and sharply asked, "What's wrong with my niece? Why isn't she good enough to be your wife?"

Ahmad replied, "She is not a practicing Muslim. I want a Muslim wife."

Ahmad's mother laughed sarcastically and said, "You speak as if you were an angel who could only marry another angel. Why don't you stop saying such nonsense, my son? You are an educated young man, you should give up your impossible ideals."

"I am neither an angel, nor do I seek a saint for a wife. I am a Muslim believer looking for a girl who also believes in Islam." replied Ahmad.

Ahmad's mother told him, "I don't know any girls who share your ideals."

He said, "I know someone who measures up to my expectations. "

Startled by this admission, Ahmad's mother asked, "You know someone? Who is she? Since when do you begin friendship with girls?"

Ahmad answered quickly, "I didn't mean that I know a girl personally, but I know of her." " I see," she said. "You have already chosen your wife. Who is this lucky girl?" "Mother, please be more understanding. I hope you will take my side and persuade father to agree with my choice."

This appeal to Ahmad's mother softened her, and she said, "I swear that I think only of your welfare. I'll help you. Tell me, what are this girl 's qualifications?"

Ahmad told her, "Nothing matters except the religious aspect. She is Muslim, and wears complete hijab." "Oh, then she is uneducated!" "No, she has a high school education and her religious knowledge is extensive."

Then his mother asked, "What family is she from? Do I know them?"

"She is from a good family known for their piety", Ahmad told her. "Of what use is a well-known family if a girl has no Islamic morals?" He silently beseeched Allah to give him the patience to overcome his mother's resistance. "A happy marriage doesn't depend on fame or wealth. Happiness stems from spiritual nearness and mutual understanding." Then, in a different tone of voice his mother asked,

"What does her father do for a living?" "He is a grocer," Ahmad replied.

"A grocer?!", she exclaimed. "Yes. He is a grocer and a very righteous man. He is the head of a happy and virtuous family."

Ahmad's mother interrupted him, "You are the son of a wealthy man; with your college degree you wish to marry a grocer's daughter? What a shame! Yet you ask me to assist you! If I had chosen the daughter of a jeweler, how would you feel?"

His mother replied, "There is a big difference between a jeweler and a grocer."

"The only difference is with regard to the substance. The former sells rings and the latter sells sugar. Both work in order to earn money," Ahmad answered.

His mother lamented, "Imagine your father's reaction to this news! "

Ahmad said firmly, " This is my desire, either you help me or I'll do it myself."

He spoke so seriously that his mother laughed mockingly, saying, "Does the matter require a great effort? The least move you make, they will give their daughter to you gladly."

Ahmad shook his head in doubt and said, "Wait and see!"

"What an odd situation this is! Am I to present my son to a grocer's daughter? What special beauty does this girl possess to make you blind to every other consideration?

"I have not yet seen her," Ahmad said.

"Then how do you know she's not ugly?" asked his mother.

"I know she is not. As far as good conduct is concerned, physical beauty is of little importance."

"Oh Ahmad, my amazement never ceases."

The next morning, Ahmad told his father of his intentions. His father became angry, but Ahmad remained determined to marry the woman of his choice. Finally his father agreed and Ahmad asked his mother to visit the girl's home to make the proposal and overcome any obstacles.

The following afternoon Ahmad's mother, accompanied by his oldest sister, went to the girl's house. On the way there, Ahmad's sister asked her mother what the girl's name was. Her mother replied, " I forgot to ask him! "When they knocked on the family's door, they were surprised to see a beautiful young girl open it. The girl was surprised to see the two unfamiliar women, but she showed them into the living room and went to tell her mother that they had visitors. Her mother welcomed the guests and waited for them to explain the reason for their visit. After exchanging greetings, Ahmad's mother asked who the young girl was who had opened the door. "It was my daughter, Zaynab," she replied. "Do you have any other daughter?" asked Ahmad's mother. "No, she's my only daughter", replied her mother. Ahmad's mother and sister were delighted to learn that the beautiful girl was Zaynab. Just then, Zaynab entered with coffee for their visitors. She sat next to Ahmad's sister and they soon found much to discuss. Then she collected the empty coffee cups and left the room.

Ahmad's mother began, "We have come with a blessed aim. We would be happy to have your daughter Zaynab as a wife for my son." She praised her son for his intelligence, his good looks and his wealth, but she neglected to mention his firm Islamic beliefs, which was very important to Zaynab's mother. Therefore, Ahmad's mother was stunned when Zaynab's mother shook her head slowly and said, "I'm very sorry. It is difficult for me to agree to this proposal; in fact, it's impossible." With much surprise, Ahmad's mother asked, "What is impossible?"

"My daughter is still young. I'm sure your son can find a girl who suits him." Ahmad's mother protested, "But Zaynab suits him well! Would you be kind enough to justify your refusal?"

"I only have one daughter, and I should be sure of her future married life."

"But Ahmad is well-off financially," said his mother. "He is an engineer!"

Zaynab's mother replied, "Zaynab would not marry someone because he is wealthy or has a college degree."

Ahmad's mother was at a loss for words. "Then what will ensure your daughter's happiness and consent?"

"When a mother looks for a wife for her son, she should mention her son's conduct." said the mother of Zaynab. "My daughter is a committed Muslim. She wants a Muslim husband, and remember, my daughter wears hijab, and your son may want a modern wife, who dresses like his mother and sister."

Ahmad's mother laughed with relief and told her, "You're correct. I haven't mentioned his conduct. I thought that other aspects of his character were of more importance. My son is a faithful Muslim. He is, in fact, looking for a wife who observes hijab. Be sure that my appearance (un-Islamic clothing) is not to Ahmad's taste."

Zaynab's mother also smiled and said, "You should have told me earlier! Please give us your address so we can visit you and learn more about your son."

"We hope you can come early next week," said Ahmad's mother.

Ahmad was waiting anxiously for his mother's return. As soon as she and her daughter returned home he asked, "Well, mother? How was your visit?"

"It was very strange," she replied.

"What was strange?", he asked. "Has anything bad happened?"

"Oh no, Ahmad. But I never expected such a thing," she answered. "Then they have refused?" Ahmad's father said, "How could a grocer's daughter refuse a wealthy young man?"

Ahmad's mother turned to her husband and said, " They did, in fact, refuse…"

"What! they refused?" asked the father. "I spoke about Ahmad's good qualities, but I didn't mention his Islamic morals. My appearance also caused her to decline my proposal because her daughter is a very faithful Muslim. When I realized their objections, I told them that you are a true Muslim as well. I have come to respect them very much. They don't care about status or wealth."

"Have you seen the girl?", asked Ahmad's father.

"Yes, she is lovely and polite. Ahmad is a lucky man to have made such a choice."

The following week, Zaynab's family paid a visit to Ahmad's home and plans were made for the upcoming wedding. They were soon married and there was much rejoicing.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Best dua for Forgiveness

Sayyid al-Istighfar
Best dua for Forgiveness

Shaddad ibn Aws narrated that the Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] said; "the most superior request for forgiveness is to say:

'Allaahmma anta rabbee laa elaaha illaa ant. Anta khalaqtanee wa ana 'abduka wa ana 'alaa 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata't. A'oothu bika min sharri ma sana't. Aboo'u laka bi ni'matika alayya wa aboo'u laka bi thambee. Faghfir lee. Fa innahoo laa yaghfiruth-thunooba illaa ant.'

[O Allah, You are my Lord. There is no god besides You. You created me and I am Your servant, following your covenant and [my] promise to you as much as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil that I have done. Before You I acknowledge Your blessings bestowed upon me and I confess my sins to You. So forgive me, for surely no one can forgive sins except You.]

The Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] then added, 'anyone who says this during the day, firmly believing in it, and dies before the evening; or says it in the evening, firmly believing in it, and dies before the following morning, will be among the people of paradise.' "

[Sahih al-Bukhari, vol 8, pp212-3, no 318]

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Motivational: When Last Did You Kiss Your Child?

When last did you
Hug or Kiss your Child?



I ran into a stranger as she passed by, "Oh excuse me please" was my reply. She said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you." We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.


But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.


While I lay awake in bed, a still small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.


" By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by his bed; "Wake up, little one, wake up," I said. "Are these the flowers you picked for me?" He smiled, "I found them out by the tree. I picked them because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like them, especially the blue."


I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way." He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway." I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

"The Messenger of Allah (Sallahu Alaihee Wasallam) kissed Hasan bin A'lee and Al-Aqra' bin Haabis  sitting with him. So Al-Aqra' said:

"Indeed I have 10 children and I have not kissed any of them." So the Messenger of Allah[pbuh]looked at him and said:

"Whoever does not have mercy, would not be given any mercy." [Hadith, narrated by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.]

This hadith shows us that whoever does not have mercy towards young children, then he himself would be prevented from receiving any mercy. This is because the rewards and recompense of actions are based upon and will be the same as the type of action that is done. As comes in another Hadith:
"Have mercy on those on the earth The One in the Heaven will have mercy on you."


In our hectic lives and in trying to realise our materialistic ambitions let us not be oblivious to those who are truly near and dear to us.


To most people you are just a number to someone you may mean the world!


So…honestly, when LAST DID YOU KISS OR HUG your child???

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Marriage-Appreciate Your Partner!

Appreciate Your Partner!

By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

Life with our spouses is a voyage and can be eternally blissful depending on our attitude to each other. We sometimes have a dispute or encounter a "small" problem in our marriage and easily forget the thousands of pleasurable and blissful moments before that event.

A student was shown by his teacher a beautiful huge white silk cloth with a tiny black spot on it. His teacher asked him what he observed and he promptly replied that there is a black spot on the cloth. His teacher replied with a loving smile; "actually, son, this is a beautiful white silk cloth and oh yes, if you look closely you will see a tiny black spot!"

As human beings we often tend to look at the weakness or fault instead of concentrating on the beauty which in most cases surpasses the defect. This is so pertinent when we look at our marital relationship.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "A believing man must not dislike a believing woman(wife) if he dislikes one of her traits, he should remember that there are other traits that he likes." (Muslim) 

Hadhrat Luqmaan Alayhis salam – who was unanimously Hakeem (wise) and a Prophet (Nabi) according to some, was employed as a labourer in an orchard.   One day, the owner of the orchard came and asked him to bring some cucumbers.  He peeled one and gave it to Hadhrat Luqmaan (AS) who started eating it with relish.  The owner, witnessing Hadhrat Luqmaan(AS) eating the cucumber with such relish thought that it must be rather delicious.  He placed a slice of it into his mouth and on finding it was extremely bitter, spat it out and frowned.

"This cucumber is rather bitter," he addressed Hadhrat Luqmaan(AS), "but you were eating it as thought it was very delicious." Hadhrat Luqmaan said, "Yes, of course!  It is bitter.""Why didn't you say so?" asked the master.

He replied, "What can I say?  I thought to myself that the hand from which I ate sweet things thousands of times, if the same hand gives me something bitter just once, how can I show it on my face?"

This is such a principle that if both spouses remember it, there will never be an opportunity for contention and dispute. The wife should remember that the husband has put up with all her frivolities thousands of times, what is there if he is hard with me just this once?  The husband on the other hand should also ponder over the thousands of times his wife had served him with love and diligently.

A Muslim is always tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors on his or her partner and does not bear a grudge for such errors or remind him or her about them every so often. There is no quality that will endear them to each other like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and there is nothing that will turn them against each other like resentment, counting faults and reminding about mistakes.

Allah Ta'ala admonishes us: ( . . . Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? . . .) (Qur'an 24:22) 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or course." (Hadith- Bukhari)


May Allah give us the strength and courage to overlook the faults of each other, show tolerance and respect for our spouses, parents and children….Ameen

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Marriage: Keep the Spark of Love Alive

Keep the Spark of Love Alive

By Faraz Ibn Adam


As the days come to closer to one's marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one's happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.

If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world.

The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one's life.

The first couple of months are always a 'honeymoon'. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.

The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.

This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.

The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.

The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:

1. Know their feelings

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : "I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying "By the God of Mohammad" but when you are angry you swear by saying "By the God of Ibrahim". She said: You are right, I don't mention your name."

The husband and wife should be aware of each other's feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband's behaviour. By being conscious of one another's feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife's feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband's feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the 'flicker' alight.

2. Console her

Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down.

This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.

3. Laying in the wife's lap

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife's lap.

How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of your wife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.

4. Combing the spouse's hair:

Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.

This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.

5. Drinking and eating from one place:

Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.

Do things together with your wife. Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?

6. Kissing: -

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife.

Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.

When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.

Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, "actions speak louder than words." Show your spouse you love her. Sharī῾ah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam categorically stated,

"Conjugal relations with your wife is a sadaqah."

7. Lifting the morsel to her mouth

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife's mouth."

The husband and wife should make these gentle gestures to exhibit their love and appreciation. Feed your spouse with your own hands now and then. This will rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.

8. Assisting her in the housework:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself.

Without being asked, if the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his/her spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. So if the husband was to be considerate and realise his wife works hard, this will touch the wife. Likewise, if the wife was to go out of her way to see to the needs of her husband being considerate, it will induce a great spark of love between the two.

9. Telling her stories

Discuss stories and events with your spouse. Engage in light hearted discussions with her-something to laugh and joke over. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam on many occasions would discuss stories, events and have light hearted discussions. The famous story narrated by Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha regarding Umm Zar' is evident.

This is one angle which is neglected more so than often. It is all 'business' between the husband and wife. They do not get into light hearted conversations. Instead, the husband rings his friends and chuckles with them. The wife on the other hand giggles during the day with her friends. This should not be the case. Focus and divert all your amusement and entertainment at your spouse. If you want to laugh, then let it be that you are laughing with your wife.

Make it a point in your busy schedule daily where you sit with your wife and do nothing but have fun with her.

10. Sharing happy occasions with her:

Once when the Ethiopians were practicing target shooting in the masjid complex, the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stood with his wife watching. Not only did the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stand with his wife, he put his cloak around her. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam although he had other jobs to do, he stayed there standing with his wife. He only went when his wife wanted to go.

A husband should be one who shares happy occasions and experiences with his wife. When it is raining, cold or sunny, one should shelter his wife.

You should be willing to sacrifice your errands to spend time with your wife. When the spouse sees sacrifice for her sake, it will create immense love and respect in their heart.

11. Racing with his wife

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would exercise and play with his wife also. The famous incident of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam challenging his wife to race is well known.

When a couple can have such good times together, it only ignites the love even more.

12. Calling her by a beautiful name:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife 'Humairā'' out of love. Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan. This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa'.

Call your spouse nice sweet names. One has to show his partner love and affection in every little thing. One needs to feed love constantly to his spouse to keep the flame burning.

Once the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stared into his wife's eyes. He was gazing at the world within his wife's eyes. He then said to Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha in praise of her beauty,

"How white are your eyes."

This is what is needed. The husband and wife should be constantly complementing and praising each other. The husband has to show his love and attraction to his wife. The wife needs to show her infatuation for her husband. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights.

13. Dress for your spouse

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: "As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them." (Qur῾ān 2 :228.)

This is another area where many spouses fail. The wife only dresses when it is a special occasion. The husband on the hand stays scruffy and does not take care to be neat and tidy. If the couple want their everyday to be a special occasion like their wedding day, they must dress to impress!

The wife should wear the clothing which pleases her husband. Likewise, the husband should wear what the wife likes. Every time the husband and wife glance at each other, the glance should arouse them and stir up more love for their spouse. This will ignite the love in the heart.

14. Utilising perfume:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would have a container for perfume. He would use perfume constantly.[xii] One should make an effort to smell good for his wife all the time. Looking good, keeping clean, smelling nice compliments a relationship exceptionally. Make sure you hair is tidy, your clothes are neat and you smell pleasant. This will attract your spouse always and inject affection into the marriage.

15. Do not talk about her private matters:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam described the one who discloses his wife's affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.

Whatever occurs between yourself and your spouse should remain between you two. How unmanly and shameful is it when a husband discusses his wife to his friends? The secrets and issues of the spouse must not be narrated at all to anyone. Do not talk about your wife to others. Your wife is for you. You are for your wife. Your fidelity and loyalty should always be to your spouse.

16. Loving & respecting their families

Another great factor to contribute to a healthy relationship is to love and cherish the family of your spouse. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was once asked whom he loved the most. He replied, "Aisha." When the questioner rephrased his question and asked from amongst the men, he replied, "Her father."

The Prophet could have easily said Abu Bakr. His answer displays such intelligence and ingenuity, that in one response he displayed his devotion to his wife and her family. He exhibited his fondness for his in-laws. Imagine how happy his wife Sayyidah Aisha would have become upon hearing this response?

Compliment your in laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family. Your wife will really appreciate this.

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

5 Rules for Happiness

5 Rules for Happiness

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Back to School

Back to School

By Umme Ammarah


Schools are about to open and you're probably feeling excited and maybe a little sad that holidays are just about over. Back to School comes with a barrage of projects, homework, sports practice and of course a day filled with pickups and drop offs.

Back to school time also means adjustments for children and families; the first day of grade one, new schools, new classrooms, new teachers and for adults sometimes new jobs.

Change is sometimes exciting and sometimes frightening, but this can also be an opportunity to set new goals .It's is a new year, 1433 of the Hijri Calendar and each year goes so fast like a quick turn of a page. This is why planning and setting goals is so important. As Muslims all our plans should be aimed at achieving our final goal which is to please our Creator Allah Ta'ala.


He who fails to plan, plans to fail !. Here are a few points to keep in mind when planning for this year.


·         Niyyah: Our intention before doing anything is very important. The Messenger of Allah(peace be upon Him) has said "Every deed is judged by its intention." Plan and Do lots of good but it must be ONLY to please our Allah.


·         Dua: Everyone of us needs to ask and pray to Allah daily for all our needs. A very beautiful dua that our beloved Prophet(Peace be upon Him) made whenever he left his home " In the name of Allah,I trust in Allah, oh Allah I seek refuge in You from straying or being led astray or against slipping or being caused to slip or doing injustice or injustice being done on me or doing wrong or having wrong done to me." (Hadith-Abu Dawud)


·         Make mashwera/shura (mutual consultation): All activities whether big or small should be discussed. Sit with the family daily at a mutually convenient time and plan our activities. See where we are and where we want to go this year. Check our level of deen and plan to improve upon it. Discuss our day to day affairs. We may even discuss and allocate turns for house chores, or even who sits where in car, etc…this can save a lot of time and arguments early in the morning. To make Mashwera is a sunnah and will bring great barakah(blessings) in our home. It will also grant us an opportunity to plan our lives Islamically.


·         Make attainable goals: Most important Make Deen the priority in our lives. Monitor your progress and place reminders-and back your resolutions with planning.


·         Family time: Your children need your presence more than your presents. Set aside time for them. You may conduct taleem halqas, for the smaller ones read stories and even make it a practice to discuss the day's events with them. There is NO SUBSTITUTE for parental guidance and supervision.


·         Homework:Turn off the T.V, put away your concerns and concentrate on being a parent. Look through your child's homework diary as your child's teacher uses this as a main connection between you and the school. Don't do it for them, Do it with them!


·         Daily routines: Let your child be involved in the small things like packing lunch, laying out clothes this teaches them responsibility. Start bed time routines a week before school starts. Read your duas together in the morning and evening. Make going to and from school educational by reciting duas collectively in the car. In a short time they will memorize the duas of travelling!


·         Educational goals: Plan big! Enrol your kids for the best available Islamic Education…enrol your kids for Hifdh (memorisation of the Qur'an).You may have realised how weak your Islamic knowledge is. Make time to attend some Islamic classes, or sit for Taleem Halqa at the Masjid. Ladies can join the weekly taleem (educational) programs in their area.


·         Identify your career goals: Maybe you always talked about making the career switch to a more Halaal source of income or adjusting your work times for salaat with jamaat (congregation). You may need to adjust your times so as to spend some quality time with your family. Whatever your reasons maybe, identify a career that will benefit your family both in this world and the hereafter.


·         Wake up every day with a purpose: We wake up often knowing we should be doing something important today, but have failed to plan! Prepare for our higher purpose  otherwise our day will become less productive.


·         Uniforms and Stationary: Make sure uniforms are purchased timeously and that it conforms with sharia requirements. Also ensure that you obtained a list of stationary required early so that it could be budgeted for and purchased well before hand.


·         Lunch boxes, breakfasts and diets: Breakfast eaters have better concentration and muscle co-ordanation. Kids need healthy lunch box snacks that maintains blood glucose levels which help concentration, so keep away from fuzzy drinks, chips and chocolates for lunch. A good idea is to plan a lunch box menu for the week.


·         Take account of yourself daily: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)has said" the feet of the son of Adam will not move on the Day of Judgement until he is asked about five things: how he spent his life, how he spent his youth, from where he acquired his wealth and how he spent it, and what he did with his knowledge." So we need to be conscious of every second of our lives.


Remember that a Muslim sets goals that are in harmony with our accountability in the Hereafter!... so take pen to paper and plan for a better life, seeking Allah's guidance, help and forgiveness.

Therefore we make dua to Allah;"Oh our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the torment of the fire."