Marriage - The Right Choice

By Shahnaaz Bemath



Beloved Reader! The selection of a life partner is indeed a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. The best selection will lead to a blessed marriage in which the rights of each are fulfilled and will ensure that the home will be managed properly. It has been seen that marriages are most successful when the rules and regulations laid down by Islam are faithfully obeyed and properly applied. Children born out of such a marriage turn out to be true believers and good Muslims. They have sound judgment and a high level of intelligence because in such marriages, Islamic knowledge and practice are an emphasis when it comes to the children. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) commanded those who intend to marry, to select a partner who is religious. A partner who has a correct and true understanding of Islam, and whose actions and conduct are in conformity with it's teachings. Instead of setting a yardstick of beauty, prestige or wealth, Islam sets religion and piety as the criterion.

The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "If somebody whose religion (Deen) and character are satisfactory comes to you (proposes marriage), marry your daughter to him..." (Tirmidhi Sharief)

The proposals of religious males are often rejected because selection is made on a worldly basis. Worldly standards of wealth, looks and social standing are mainly considered when a suitable match is sought. There is no harm in choosing a partner with any of these traits. However it should be borne in mind that in the absence of a good religious background and piety, worldly advantage have no worth.

A Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband.

Family Background

A life partner must be from a devout, Islamically inclined family of good background since this will play an influential role in the couples future lives. Therefore, selection of a spouse must be one who has been brought up in pious and righteous surrounding. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "Marry into those of pious upbringing for what is bred in the bone is in the blood." Nothing is worst for a religious woman of high Islamic values and standards, then to fall into wedlock of a free-thinking, irreligious husband, who is un concerned about religious duties and practices. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "Whoever marries his daughter to a sinner, has indeed cut off ties with her." (Ibn Hibbaan).

In same way, nothing is worst for a religious minded male, then to choose a life partner who has a poor understanding of Islam and has little or no regard for it's teaching. It is most improbable that a woman who lacks the basic Islamic knowledge and has no piety, become a good wife or mother to anyone. Men who marry for beauty, wealth or glamour often end up regretting. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: "A woman is married for any one of four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty and her piety. So try to marry one who is religious lest you regret." (Tirmidhi Sharief)

A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond and establishing a stable life, it is essential to choose a partner with good akhlaaq (character) in the first place.
"Be a WOMAN of the DEEN so that you deserve to be his QUEEN"
"Be a MAN of IMAN so that you deserve to be her MAN"
O ALLAH! Bless us with spouses of piety and righteousness. And may YOU make every marriage to be that beautiful institution as ordained by YOU and taught by YOUR Beloved Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam), AAMEEN...

motivational:"Rock With Me"

     "Rock With Me"

 

 

The Noble Messenger of Allah [peace be upon him] said: " Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection"[Hadith- Bukhari]

 
There was once an elderly, sad woman in a nursing home. She wouldn't talk to anyone or request anything. She seemed merely to exist. Besides performing her daily prayers she would spend the rest of the day rocking in her creaky old rocking chair.

 

The old woman didn't have many visitors. But every few days, a concerned and pious Allah conscious wise young nurse would go into her room. Besides making salaam(greeting),She didn't try to speak or ask questions of the old lady. She simply pulled up another rocking chair beside the old woman and rocked with her.

 

Weeks  later, the old woman finally spoke to the young nurse
'Thank you,' she said. 'Thank you for rocking with me, it meant so much'

 

The old woman thereafter came out of her "shell" and was a very sociable person! She just needed some caring love and support at a critical time in her life.

 

In life there are times when we are meant to talk and be supportive, and there are times when we can help by just being there. Actions, as we are told are often more important than words. The next time you know someone in need, just be there and be supportive.

 

 

The Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] said, "A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other." The Prophet[pbuh] then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced (while saying that). [Hadith- Bukhari]

Marriage:Dating in Islam

What Islaam Says About Dating

The most common questions I get from young people are, "Do Muslims date?" and, "If they don't date, how do they decide whose the right person for them to marry?"

"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims – where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they want to marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.

1. Allah subhana wa'tala says:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and protect their private parts….And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts…" Surah al-Noor :30-31)

But Dating encourages people to deliberately look and stare and seek out the 'one' that you find attractive.

2. Allaah orders the Muslim women not to talk unnecessarily or in a soft manner to strange men.

"….then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire" (Surah al-Ahzaab :32)

Even for the Sahaabah, Allaah ordered them to screen themselves from the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) when they need to ask them something. Who could be purer than the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) and who could be higher in taqwa than the Sahaabah?

"And when you ask (the Prophet's wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. (Surah al-Ahzaab: 53)

Yet, in Dating, you see young men and women who are absolutely not mahram for one another in any way whatsoever, going way beyond this prohibition. Not only are they talking to each other in a soft and flirtatious way, but they are right out expressing their 'love' (in reality, lust) for each other.

3. The Sunnah prohibits a man and a woman from being alone together at any time.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram present, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan." (Ahmad — saheeh by al-Albaani)

But those who celebrate Valentine's Day purposely seek to be alone with each other and go out on dates with each other while Allaah says:

"And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)" (al-Isra' :32)

4. Islaam prohibits a man to even touch a non-mahram woman.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him." (al-Tabaraani –saheeh by al-Albaani)

But Dating promotes more than just touching. It promotes hugging, kissing, cuddling and much more. May Allaah protect us.

5. Islaam teaches us that real love between a man and a woman, that is acceptable and allowed by Allaah is only that between a husband and his wife.

"And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put love and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think. (al-Room: 21)

But DATES endorses haraam relationships between a non-mahram man and woman and encourages illicit love and un-Islaamic affiliations.

6. Islaam tells us that Hayaa' (modesty) and bashfulness are a jewel to be treasured.

It is a purity and innocence that is a virtue, regardless for a man or a woman. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"Hayaa' (modesty) is a branch of faith." (Bukhaari)

On the other hand, THESE dates and hanging out with opposite gender advocates nothing but shamelessness and immodesty.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life – with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

The following steps should be adopted:

• Make du'a (supplication) to Allah; ask Him to help you find the right person.

• The family should enquire, discusse, and suggest candidates. They should consult with each other, so as to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother should approache the other family to suggest a meeting.

• Couple should meet in chaperoned, group environment. 'Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." (Bukhari/Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them." (Tirmidhi).

• When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to, {lower their gaze and guard their modesty….} Islaam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, that is why this rule provides safety-measures for our own sake.

• Family should investigate candidate further – speaking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn more about his or her character before making the final decision.

• Couple should both pray Salaat-al-istikhaarah (The Prayer For Guidance, and thus seek Allah's help in making the decision.

• An agreement should be made to either pursue marriage or part ways. Islaam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women – they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.

This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

That is why these marriages often prove successful.

And Allah knows best.!

Choosing a spouse- A Moral Story

Choosing a Wife and Husband :: A Moral Story For Brother & Sisters in ISLAM

Seeing that his mother was in a good mood, Ahmad sat near her and said, 'Mother, I have an idea which should bring you much joy." His mother answered eagerly, "My son, all that you give me makes me happy. What is on your mind?"

"You know," he told her, "I have finished my studies and can afford to begin a family. I have decided to marry."

His mother's face brightened with a smile. "This is very good news! I have long awaited such a day," she told him. "How often I have wished you would marry one of your cousins. Praise be to Allah that you have made this decision before it is too late!." Ahmad exclaimed, "Before it's too late? What do you mean?" "Your cousin Maryam is now old enough to marry. Every day there is someone visiting her home, seeking her hand."

Ahmad sat silently for a moment and said, "Then why should we bother her suitors?"

"What do you mean, Ahmad?," asked his mother, dismayed.

"My cousin Maryam is not fit for me."

"Why not? No, my son, you're mistaken. I shall go and see about your engagement tomorrow," his mother told him.

Ahmad frowned and said, "No, mother. Please do not do such a thing. I will not agree to this." "When she becomes your fiancé, you will feel love for her. Put aside your fears. Maryam is beautiful, and she has a respectable job."

Ahmad disagreed, "No. This matter only concerns me."

Ahmad's mother thought for a moment and said, "If you dislike Maryam, then there's my brother's daughter. She is as beautiful as Maryam, and she has inherited a large sum of money from my brother.

"Mother, please think about this matter from my point of view. I need someone to share my life, not a business partner."

His mother became angry and sharply asked, "What's wrong with my niece? Why isn't she good enough to be your wife?"

Ahmad replied, "She is not a practicing Muslim. I want a Muslim wife."

Ahmad's mother laughed sarcastically and said, "You speak as if you were an angel who could only marry another angel. Why don't you stop saying such nonsense, my son? You are an educated young man, you should give up your impossible ideals."

"I am neither an angel, nor do I seek a saint for a wife. I am a Muslim believer looking for a girl who also believes in Islam." replied Ahmad.

Ahmad's mother told him, "I don't know any girls who share your ideals."

He said, "I know someone who measures up to my expectations. "

Startled by this admission, Ahmad's mother asked, "You know someone? Who is she? Since when do you begin friendship with girls?"

Ahmad answered quickly, "I didn't mean that I know a girl personally, but I know of her." " I see," she said. "You have already chosen your wife. Who is this lucky girl?" "Mother, please be more understanding. I hope you will take my side and persuade father to agree with my choice."

This appeal to Ahmad's mother softened her, and she said, "I swear that I think only of your welfare. I'll help you. Tell me, what are this girl 's qualifications?"

Ahmad told her, "Nothing matters except the religious aspect. She is Muslim, and wears complete hijab." "Oh, then she is uneducated!" "No, she has a high school education and her religious knowledge is extensive."

Then his mother asked, "What family is she from? Do I know them?"

"She is from a good family known for their piety", Ahmad told her. "Of what use is a well-known family if a girl has no Islamic morals?" He silently beseeched Allah to give him the patience to overcome his mother's resistance. "A happy marriage doesn't depend on fame or wealth. Happiness stems from spiritual nearness and mutual understanding." Then, in a different tone of voice his mother asked,

"What does her father do for a living?" "He is a grocer," Ahmad replied.

"A grocer?!", she exclaimed. "Yes. He is a grocer and a very righteous man. He is the head of a happy and virtuous family."

Ahmad's mother interrupted him, "You are the son of a wealthy man; with your college degree you wish to marry a grocer's daughter? What a shame! Yet you ask me to assist you! If I had chosen the daughter of a jeweler, how would you feel?"

His mother replied, "There is a big difference between a jeweler and a grocer."

"The only difference is with regard to the substance. The former sells rings and the latter sells sugar. Both work in order to earn money," Ahmad answered.

His mother lamented, "Imagine your father's reaction to this news! "

Ahmad said firmly, " This is my desire, either you help me or I'll do it myself."

He spoke so seriously that his mother laughed mockingly, saying, "Does the matter require a great effort? The least move you make, they will give their daughter to you gladly."

Ahmad shook his head in doubt and said, "Wait and see!"

"What an odd situation this is! Am I to present my son to a grocer's daughter? What special beauty does this girl possess to make you blind to every other consideration?

"I have not yet seen her," Ahmad said.

"Then how do you know she's not ugly?" asked his mother.

"I know she is not. As far as good conduct is concerned, physical beauty is of little importance."

"Oh Ahmad, my amazement never ceases."

The next morning, Ahmad told his father of his intentions. His father became angry, but Ahmad remained determined to marry the woman of his choice. Finally his father agreed and Ahmad asked his mother to visit the girl's home to make the proposal and overcome any obstacles.

The following afternoon Ahmad's mother, accompanied by his oldest sister, went to the girl's house. On the way there, Ahmad's sister asked her mother what the girl's name was. Her mother replied, " I forgot to ask him! "When they knocked on the family's door, they were surprised to see a beautiful young girl open it. The girl was surprised to see the two unfamiliar women, but she showed them into the living room and went to tell her mother that they had visitors. Her mother welcomed the guests and waited for them to explain the reason for their visit. After exchanging greetings, Ahmad's mother asked who the young girl was who had opened the door. "It was my daughter, Zaynab," she replied. "Do you have any other daughter?" asked Ahmad's mother. "No, she's my only daughter", replied her mother. Ahmad's mother and sister were delighted to learn that the beautiful girl was Zaynab. Just then, Zaynab entered with coffee for their visitors. She sat next to Ahmad's sister and they soon found much to discuss. Then she collected the empty coffee cups and left the room.

Ahmad's mother began, "We have come with a blessed aim. We would be happy to have your daughter Zaynab as a wife for my son." She praised her son for his intelligence, his good looks and his wealth, but she neglected to mention his firm Islamic beliefs, which was very important to Zaynab's mother. Therefore, Ahmad's mother was stunned when Zaynab's mother shook her head slowly and said, "I'm very sorry. It is difficult for me to agree to this proposal; in fact, it's impossible." With much surprise, Ahmad's mother asked, "What is impossible?"

"My daughter is still young. I'm sure your son can find a girl who suits him." Ahmad's mother protested, "But Zaynab suits him well! Would you be kind enough to justify your refusal?"

"I only have one daughter, and I should be sure of her future married life."

"But Ahmad is well-off financially," said his mother. "He is an engineer!"

Zaynab's mother replied, "Zaynab would not marry someone because he is wealthy or has a college degree."

Ahmad's mother was at a loss for words. "Then what will ensure your daughter's happiness and consent?"

"When a mother looks for a wife for her son, she should mention her son's conduct." said the mother of Zaynab. "My daughter is a committed Muslim. She wants a Muslim husband, and remember, my daughter wears hijab, and your son may want a modern wife, who dresses like his mother and sister."

Ahmad's mother laughed with relief and told her, "You're correct. I haven't mentioned his conduct. I thought that other aspects of his character were of more importance. My son is a faithful Muslim. He is, in fact, looking for a wife who observes hijab. Be sure that my appearance (un-Islamic clothing) is not to Ahmad's taste."

Zaynab's mother also smiled and said, "You should have told me earlier! Please give us your address so we can visit you and learn more about your son."

"We hope you can come early next week," said Ahmad's mother.

Ahmad was waiting anxiously for his mother's return. As soon as she and her daughter returned home he asked, "Well, mother? How was your visit?"

"It was very strange," she replied.

"What was strange?", he asked. "Has anything bad happened?"

"Oh no, Ahmad. But I never expected such a thing," she answered. "Then they have refused?" Ahmad's father said, "How could a grocer's daughter refuse a wealthy young man?"

Ahmad's mother turned to her husband and said, " They did, in fact, refuse…"

"What! they refused?" asked the father. "I spoke about Ahmad's good qualities, but I didn't mention his Islamic morals. My appearance also caused her to decline my proposal because her daughter is a very faithful Muslim. When I realized their objections, I told them that you are a true Muslim as well. I have come to respect them very much. They don't care about status or wealth."

"Have you seen the girl?", asked Ahmad's father.

"Yes, she is lovely and polite. Ahmad is a lucky man to have made such a choice."

The following week, Zaynab's family paid a visit to Ahmad's home and plans were made for the upcoming wedding. They were soon married and there was much rejoicing.

Best dua for Forgiveness

Sayyid al-Istighfar

 

Best dua for Forgiveness

Shaddad ibn Aws narrated that the Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] said; "the most superior request for forgiveness is to say:

'Allaahmma anta rabbee laa elaaha illaa ant. Anta khalaqtanee wa ana 'abduka wa ana 'alaa 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata't. A'oothu bika min sharri ma sana't. Aboo'u laka bi ni'matika alayya wa aboo'u laka bi thambee. Faghfir lee. Fa innahoo laa yaghfiruth-thunooba illaa ant.'

[O Allah, You are my Lord. There is no god besides You. You created me and I am Your servant, following your covenant and [my] promise to you as much as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil that I have done. Before You I acknowledge Your blessings bestowed upon me and I confess my sins to You. So forgive me, for surely no one can forgive sins except You.]

The Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] then added, 'anyone who says this during the day, firmly believing in it, and dies before the evening; or says it in the evening, firmly believing in it, and dies before the following morning, will be among the people of paradise.' "

[Sahih al-Bukhari, vol 8, pp212-3, no 318]

Motivational: When Last Did You Kiss Your Child?

When last did you

 

Hug or Kiss your Child?

 

 

 

 

I ran into a stranger as she passed by, "Oh excuse me please" was my reply. She said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you." We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.

 

But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

 

While I lay awake in bed, a still small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.

 

" By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by his bed; "Wake up, little one, wake up," I said. "Are these the flowers you picked for me?" He smiled, "I found them out by the tree. I picked them because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like them, especially the blue."

 

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way." He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway." I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

"The Messenger of Allah (Sallahu Alaihee Wasallam) kissed Hasan bin A'lee and Al-Aqra' bin Haabis  sitting with him. So Al-Aqra' said:

"Indeed I have 10 children and I have not kissed any of them." So the Messenger of Allah[pbuh]looked at him and said:

"Whoever does not have mercy, would not be given any mercy." [Hadith, narrated by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.]

This hadith shows us that whoever does not have mercy towards young children, then he himself would be prevented from receiving any mercy. This is because the rewards and recompense of actions are based upon and will be the same as the type of action that is done. As comes in another Hadith: "Have mercy on those on the earth The One in the Heaven will have mercy on you."

 

In our hectic lives and in trying to realise our materialistic ambitions let us not be oblivious to those who are truly near and dear to us.

 

To most people you are just a number to someone you may mean the world!

 

So…honestly, when LAST DID YOU KISS OR HUG your child???

Marriage-Appreciate Your Partner!

Appreciate Your Partner!

By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

Life with our spouses is a voyage and can be eternally blissful depending on our attitude to each other. We sometimes have a dispute or encounter a "small" problem in our marriage and easily forget the thousands of pleasurable and blissful moments before that event.

A student was shown by his teacher a beautiful huge white silk cloth with a tiny black spot on it. His teacher asked him what he observed and he promptly replied that there is a black spot on the cloth. His teacher replied with a loving smile; "actually, son, this is a beautiful white silk cloth and oh yes, if you look closely you will see a tiny black spot!"

As human beings we often tend to look at the weakness or fault instead of concentrating on the beauty which in most cases surpasses the defect. This is so pertinent when we look at our marital relationship.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "A believing man must not dislike a believing woman(wife) if he dislikes one of her traits, he should remember that there are other traits that he likes." (Muslim) 

Hadhrat Luqmaan Alayhis salam – who was unanimously Hakeem (wise) and a Prophet (Nabi) according to some, was employed as a labourer in an orchard.   One day, the owner of the orchard came and asked him to bring some cucumbers.  He peeled one and gave it to Hadhrat Luqmaan (AS) who started eating it with relish.  The owner, witnessing Hadhrat Luqmaan(AS) eating the cucumber with such relish thought that it must be rather delicious.  He placed a slice of it into his mouth and on finding it was extremely bitter, spat it out and frowned.

"This cucumber is rather bitter," he addressed Hadhrat Luqmaan(AS), "but you were eating it as thought it was very delicious." Hadhrat Luqmaan said, "Yes, of course!  It is bitter.""Why didn't you say so?" asked the master.

He replied, "What can I say?  I thought to myself that the hand from which I ate sweet things thousands of times, if the same hand gives me something bitter just once, how can I show it on my face?"

This is such a principle that if both spouses remember it, there will never be an opportunity for contention and dispute. The wife should remember that the husband has put up with all her frivolities thousands of times, what is there if he is hard with me just this once?  The husband on the other hand should also ponder over the thousands of times his wife had served him with love and diligently.

A Muslim is always tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors on his or her partner and does not bear a grudge for such errors or remind him or her about them every so often. There is no quality that will endear them to each other like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and there is nothing that will turn them against each other like resentment, counting faults and reminding about mistakes.

Allah Ta'ala admonishes us: ( . . . Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? . . .) (Qur'an 24:22) 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or course." (Hadith- Bukhari)

 

May Allah give us the strength and courage to overlook the faults of each other, show tolerance and respect for our spouses, parents and children….Ameen