Choosing a Marriage Partner

Choosing a Marriage Partner

"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity " (Quran 24:26)

Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said: "A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Hadith-Bukhari and Muslim)

The following advice is relevant for both men and women equally.

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say "she's not the one!"
The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man's first question was, Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?

She said, this is an easy question; my mother.

He smiled second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha'allah I've just been a bit busy.

The third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot prettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence.

And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

This time, the young man's parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

The parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, "no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world"

If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?

And she said no, because I haven't had time yet.

So I thought of that hadith "All humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge"

She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

That is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologize.

The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

The Prophet (saws) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry" when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan."

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not looks,
*practice, not preaching,
*Forgiveness, not anger,
*spiritual love, not lust.
*and compromise

One should look for a person who:

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and Muhammad [Peace be upon him]
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control their anger
4) and willing to compromise.

 

IMPORTANT POINTS TO NOTE PRIOR TO MARRIAGE

 

• Dua/Istikhara[prayer to seek Allah's Guidance]- Ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.
• Consult your heart. Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind, which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost any- thing.
• Enquire. Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Is it a marriage just for convenience (citizenship, money, property, etc.), than forget it. This spells trouble. Consult with elders and wise people deeni (islamically educated) persons. Find out more about the  persons character, lifestyle, family, education, personality etc
• Understand each other's expectations. Try to get a sense of your prospective partner's under- standing of the marriage relationship, how he will behave in various situations, and what he wants of you as his spouse.
• Don't be in a hurry. So many marriages have broken because the partners are in such haste that they don't take time to make such vital checks as the ones outlined above and rush into things. Never allow yourself to be pressured or talked into a marriage. Keep your eyes open and take your time. Since marriage is for life, for eternity, hurrying into it for any reason whatsoever is the act of a foolish or careless person who has only himself or herself to blame if things go wrong.
• Ask yourself, Do I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over again. Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for life, and for the primary purpose of building a family. If the person in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent, you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children without any help from him or her - or even with negative input - in the future.
• Never date or be alone with prospective partners -Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructed:"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Hadith-Ahmad)

 

This advice is for both, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

 

The Prophet (saws) said "Three groups of people Allah has obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste[pure]life". (Hadith-Tirmidhi)

Insha'allah, may Allah make every marriage a success, and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger(saw) so that Allah can bless us, and create love in our lives.

Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said:

 

"There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage "

The Gem of Generosity!

The Gem of Generosity!

 

 

The Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him]  never said `no' to anyone who asked him for anything.
[Hadith : Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

 

A wise woman who was travelling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveller who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveller saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveller left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."

 

The Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him]  is reported to have said: "Do not hoard; otherwise, Allah will withhold from you.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Kind Attitude

Kind Attitude

 

The Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said :

 

"May Allaah show mercy to a man who adopts a kind attitude when he sells, buys and demands for the repayment of loans."

 

[Hadith-Al-Bukhaari]

 

 

Note: This person deserves the mercy of Allaah because he dealt with people kindly and postponed repayments from the one who could not repay him and whenever he asked for his money, he requested it gently with kind words as not to hurt the feelings of the debtor.

 

The Cricket- Motivational Story

The Cricket

A man and his friend were in a city, walking through the street. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were blowing their horns, taxis were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the man said to his friend, "I hear a cricket." 

His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!" 

"No, I'm sure of it," the man said, "I heard a cricket." 

"That's crazy," said the friend.
 
The man listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. "That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!" 

"No," said the man. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for." 

"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise." 

"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."
 
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty meters turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

 "See what I mean?" asked the man.

 "It all depends on what's important to you."

LESSONS:

·        Let's focus our attention and minds on the more important aspects of life!

·        Lets pay closer attention to what our religious scholars and those that and are near and dear to us say.

·        Sometimes we hear but do not listen!

A person who focuses his attention on pleasing Allah and preparing for the life after death will have this world brought to his feet!

For Allah says:"Whosoever desires the reward of the Hereafter, We give him increase in his reward, and whosoever desires the reward of this world , We give him thereof  and he has no portion in the Hereafter"[Quran-al-Shoora 42:20] 

April Fool's Day

APRIL FOOL'S DAYS

In Islam we are clearly prohibited from making fun and mockery of any person even if it is just in jest!

 

Allah Most Wise says:

 "Truly Allah guides not one who transgresses and lies." [Quran:40:28]

  "Curse of Allah upon those who lie." [Quran:3:61]

 

The Messenger of Allah(peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

 " I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even if its just for the sake of fun''[Hadith:Abu Dawud].

 

"The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays that trust."  (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 33; Muslim, 59) 

 

Hazrat Wasilah reported that the Messenger of Allah(peace be upon) said: "Do not display pleasure at your brothers misfortune."[Hadith-Tirmizi]

 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: "They said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, you joke with us.' He said, 'But I only speak the truth. "  (Hadith-Tirmidhi, 1990) 

 The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Whoever imitates a people is one of them." (Hadith-Ahmad)

It was narrated by Mu'aawiyah ibn Haydah that he heard the Prophet (pbuh) say: 'Woe to the one who talks to make the people laugh and tells lies, woe to him, woe to him."(Hadith-Tirmidhi,Abu Dawood). 

 

When our Muslim Ummah is being disgraced and humiliated by the Kuffaar from East to West, how is it possible for a believer with even a minute degree of Imaan to engage in this evil custom of April Fool's Day! 

 

For a detailed and informative article on the history of April Fool's Day please visit :

http://eislaminfo.blogspot.com/2011/03/april-fools-day.html

 

 

 

 

 

The Secret to True Beauty....

The Secret to True Beauty….

By Ummi Ammarah

Strange how much effort is put into improving our looks. Through cosmetic products..skin fairness creams for those with dark skin and tanning creams for those with fair skin. Blue eyes for those with brown and hazel eyes for those with green eyes. Hair straightening for those with curly hair and perms for those with straight hair…and the list goes on.

We are never satisfied with the way we have been moulded by Allah Ta'ala. The effort and search for the ultimate external transformation continues…yet the effort of improving what we have ability to change, our inner beauty i.e. our character and how we conduct ourselves with fellow humans seldom feature in our lives.

The Beloved Messenger of Allah (pbuh) is reported to have said: Among the heaviest deeds in weight on the day Qiyaamat will be good character. (Hadith: Tirmidhi)

Tragically so called "super models" that appear on the covers of glossy magazines have caused great harm to our society by making us focus too much on our exterior self and totally ignore our interior self.

Companions of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) all of them, whether it was dark skin Bilaal or red skin Suhaib Rumi. Whether it was rich Uthmaan or poor Ammaar, whether it was stern and tall Umar or soft Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with all of them) everyone of them made effort and devoted much time to building their Imaan and akhlaaq (character).

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said that "Indeed the most perfect believer in faith is one who has the best manners and is kindest to his family."(Hadith-Tirmidhi)

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) also said" Undoubtedly amongst you, the most beloved and nearest to me on the Day of Resurrection, will be those having the most excellent conduct."

It is not that we have to ignore our external self. Beauty and cleanliness is important as Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. But our emphasis must not be on developing only the external self, but more time, energy and resources should be spent in developing our Imaan and character. This will be a source of happiness in this world and more important will lead to eternal happiness when we stand before Allah Ta'ala on the day of Qiyamah.

The Beloved Messenger of Allah Ta'ala (pbuh) has taught us the following dua (prayer): Allahumma anta hassanta khalqi fa hassin khuluqi." Oh Allah! You have beautified my appearance so beautify my character as well."

 

Carry me in your arms....

Carry me in your arms....

 

Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

 

 

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

 

Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, "you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn't love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!

 

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne so dearly.

 

Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

 

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did'nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

 

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

 

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

  

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.

 

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

 

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

 

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

 

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

 

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Mary Anne, I do not want the divorce anymore.

 

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Mary Anne, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

 

Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!

 

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

 

Allah says in the Qur'an:"Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected."(Qur'an 4:34)

 

Allah says in the Qur'an:"And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise." (Qur'an 9:71)

 

Prophet[p.b.u.h] said, "The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family"