Winning The Pleasure Of Your Mother In-Law

Winning The Pleasure Of Your Mother In-Law

Some mothers in-law have an unintended and uncontrollable feeling of rejection and resentment towards their daughters in-law. This could be caused by one of the following three reasons:

First: The eldest son is a source of compassion and love which mothers benefit from, especially at old age; therefore, they would not have good feelings towards those whom they think would deprive them from such a source.
Second: The mother, who has spent her entire life raising and caring for her children, finds it difficult to accept that the daughter in-law, who has never shouldered such responsibilities, is able to properly care for her son.
Third: The mother in-law could have different values, principles or even ideologies from the daughter in-law.When would the mother in-law be the wronged one?
Some mothers in-law suffer from grief and depression due to differences and disputes with their daughters in-law. The daughter in-law may treat her badly, neglect her, and even keep the grandchildren away from her; this is compounded when the mother in-law is a widow and her children mean everything to her.
Most mothers are pleased by something as minor as a kind word being said to them; this is because they require special care, as their lives are empty due to the loneliness they feel, which makes them think that they have no use in life. Therefore, it is especially important that their children are merciful and understanding towards them; they should make them feel important and involve them in certain matters and decisions, in order to make them feel that their opinion is important, and that they are valued and needed.



How can a wife win the pleasure of her mother in-law?

• By using kind words when talking to them: Allaah Says (what means):"Have you not considered how Allaah presents an example, [making] a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches [high] in the sky? It produces fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allaah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded." [Quran 14: 24-25]·

• By obeying her and dealing with her as if she is her own daughter: `Aa'ishah reported that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "Whenever forbearance is added to anything, it adorns it; and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective.'' [Muslim]
  
• By gifting her: Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allaah said: "Exchange gifts; you would thereby remove hatred towards one another; and never belittle any gift you give your neighbour, even if it is (something as minor as) the hoof of a sheep." [At-Tirmithi]·
  
• By treating her kindly, just as she would to her own mother: She should have tolerance towards her mother in-law, especially during the first months of the marriage, until she wins her pleasure and therefore becomes one of those who are beloved to her mother in-law - and this would make the entire family love her as well.

The wife should fear Allaah, lest she becomes a cause for her husband to be undutiful to his parents.



How can a mother win the pleasure of her daughter in-law?

Many mothers in-law treat their daughters in-law just as they treat their own daughters, and are very supportive towards them and their new life; this is because the daughter in-law is not only the wife of her son, but is also the future mother of her grandchildren, who are usually dearer to the grandparents than their own children.
On the other hand, there are many cases where the new wife is regarded as the personal property of the mother in-law, but why? In many traditions, the wife is dealt with as the property of her husband, and since the son is the property of his parents, then it follows that the ownership of the wife is in the hands of her in-laws, and this is a very dangerous predicament.
The mother plays a very sensitive role in the life of her children; a single incorrect move on her part could cause her children's lives to turn into intolerable misery. On the other hand, an affectionate touch from the mother could render her son's household into heaven. The following are some things a mother in-law could do to win the pleasure of her daughter in-law:·

• Express joy upon seeing her: some mothers in-law show so much happiness at seeing their daughters in-law that it causes the latter to forget about all their problems.·
  
• Treat her as her own daughter: If she deals with her with a motherly touch, the mother in-law would win the heart of her daughter in-law.
  
• If her son were to ever wrong his wife, she would advise him and encourage him to rectify all the problems that have occurred, as well as to be kind to her.
  
• If the son is married to more than one woman, his mother should treat them all similarly and love them equally, exactly as she would treat her own daughters.
  
• If any dispute takes place between her own daughter and her daughter in-law, she should not take sides especially with her daughter in-law and should remind her daughter: "You are my own daughter, but she is a stranger who has no one to support her."

This behaviour is exhibited by an ideal mother in-law, one who fears Allaah and seeks to make her son's house a happy one, and who seeks to strengthen the relationship between her and the daughter in-law.

Why Women Cry

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I need to" she said.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mother just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). "He surely knows the answer", he thought.

"Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?"

The Shaikh answered:

"When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.

He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.

You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman  is her piety and must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Choosing a Marriage Partner

Choosing a Marriage Partner

"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity " (Quran 24:26)

Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said: "A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Hadith-Bukhari and Muslim)

The following advice is for both men and women equally.

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say "she's not the one!"
The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man's first question was, Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?

She said, this is an easy question; my mother.

He smiled second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha'allah I've just been a bit busy.

The third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot prettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence.

And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

This time, the young man's parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

The parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, "no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world"

If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?

And she said no, because I haven't had time yet.

So I thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge"

She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

That is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologize.

The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

The Prophet (saws) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry" when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan.

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not looks,
*practice, not preaching,
*Forgiveness, not anger,
*spiritual love, not lust.
*and compromise

One should look for a person who:

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and Muhammad [Peace be upon him]
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control their anger
4) and willing to compromise.

 

IMPORTANT POINTS TO NOTE PRIOR TO MARRIAGE

 

• Dua/Istikhara[prayer to seek Allah's Guidance]- Ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.
• Consult your heart. Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind, which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost any- thing.
• Enquire. Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Is it a marriage just for convenience (citizenship, money, property, etc.), than forget it. This spells trouble. Consult with elders and wise people deeni (islamically educated) persons. Find out more about the  persons character, lifestyle, family, education, personality etc
• Understand each other's expectations. Try to get a sense of your prospective partner's under- standing of the marriage relationship, how he will behave in various situations, and what he wants of you as his spouse.
• Don't be in a hurry. So many marriages have broken because the partners are in such haste that they don't take time to make such vital checks as the ones outlined above and rush into things. Never allow yourself to be pressured or talked into a marriage. Keep your eyes open and take your time. Since marriage is for life, for eternity, hurrying into it for any reason whatsoever is the act of a foolish or careless person who has only himself or herself to blame if things go wrong.
• Ask yourself, Do I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over again. Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for life, and for the primary purpose of building a family. If the person in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent, you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children without any help from him or her - or even with negative input - in the future.
• Never date or be alone with prospective partners -Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructed:"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Hadith-Ahmad)

 

This advice is for both , so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

 

The Prophet (saws) said "Three groups of people Allah has obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste[pure]life". (Hadith-Tirmidhi)

Insha'allah, may Allah make every marriage a success, and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger(saw) so that Allah can bless us, and create love in our lives.

Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said: "There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage "

HEALTH BENEFITS AND ADVANTAGES OF USING THE MISWAAK

HEALTH BENEFITS AND ADVANTAGES OF USING THE MISWAAK

Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) laid great stress on the use of the Miswaak (a tree-twig used for cleansing the teeth). One of the Sunnats of Wudhu is to use a Miswaak. Wherever a Miswaak is available and is not used, the full beauty and complete Sawaab of the Wudhu is not realised. There are numerous benefits and advantages in using a Miswaak. Advantages of the Miswaak: 1. Miswaak strengthens the gums and prevents tooth decay. 2. Miswaak assists in eliminating toothaches and prevents further increase of decay which has already set in. 3. Miswaak creates a fragrance in the mouth. 4. Miswaak is a cure for illness. 5. Miswaak eliminates bad odours and improves the sense of taste. 6. Miswaak sharpens the memory. 7. Miswaak is a cure for headaches. 8. Miswaak creates lustre (noor) on the face of the one who continually uses it. 9. Miswaak causes the teeth to glow. 10. Miswaak strengthens the eyesight. 11. Miswaak assists in digestion. 12. Miswaak clears the voice. 13. The greatest benefit of using miswaak is gaining the pleasure of Allah. 14. The reward of Salaah (Prayers) is multiplied 70 times if Miswaak was used before it. ADVANTAGES AND BENEFITS OF THE MISWAAK: (1) Eliminates bad odour and improves the sense of taste Allamah Ibn Daqiq (R) says: "The wisdom underlying the use of the Miswaak after rising from sleep is that during sleep bad vapours rise from the stomach towards the mouth. This causes bad odour in the mouth as well as a change in the sense of taste. Use of the Miswaak eliminates the bad odour and rectifies the change which occurred in the taste." (2) Sharpens the Memory Hadhrat Ali (R) said that "Miswaak sharpens the memory. (3) Sharpens the Intelligence "Four things increase the Intelligence— (i) Shunning of nonsensical talks (ii) Use of the Miswaak (iii) Sitting in the company of the pious, and (iv) Sitting in the company of the Ulama." (4) Eliminates Slime Hadhrat Ali (R) said that "Miswaak removes slime." (5) A Cure for Illness Hadhrat Aisha (R) said that "Miswaak (its constant use) is a cure for all illness excepting Death." (6) Miswaak creates fragrance in the mouth. (7) Miswaak strengthens the gums. (8) Miswaak prevents tooth decay. (9) Miswaak prevents further increase of decay which has already set in the teeth. (10) Miswaak is a cure for headaches. (11) Miswaak assists in eliminating toothaches. (12) Miswaak creates lustre (Noor) on the face of the one who continually uses it. (13) Miswaak causes the teeth to glow. (14) Miswaak removes the yellowish ness of the teeth. (15) Miswaak strengthens the eye-sight. (16) Miswaak is beneficial for the health of the entire body. (17) Miswaak assists in the process of Digestion. (18) Miswaak is a cure for a certain mouth disease known as Qilaa'- This is stated in Hujjatul Baaleghah. (19) Miswaak clears the voice. This is stated in TibbeNabawi. (20) Miswaak facilitates the appetite (21) Miswaak increases the eloquence of one's speech. Abu Hurairah (R) said that "Miswaak increases the eloquence of a person." Several other Ahadith of our Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) also mention the Miswaak to have been the practice of the Prophets (Upon Whom Be Peace). Thus, we can safely claim that the practice of using the Miswaak is as old as mankind itself since Mankind's origin on the planet was with the appearance of the first Nabi of Allah, viz. Adam (A.S.). Therefore, among the many advantages and benefits of using the Miswaak, one of the greatest benefits is the good-fortune of being associated with the Ambiyaa in this holy practice. On the other hand, those who neglect the use of the Miswaak invite upon themselves a great misfortune by being deprived of the tremendous amount of Sawaab (Reward) which this noble practice carries.

Who is a strong Person?

Who is a strong Person???

 

Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad [Peace be upon him]said: " The strong man is not the one who is strong in wrestling, but the one who controls himself in anger " (Hadith-Bukhari, Muslim).

Just 5 more minutes

Spend Quality Time With Your Kids

Just 5 More Minutes - Motivational story

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a lady on a bench near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

"He's a fine looking boy," the lady said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then, looking at her watch, she called to his son. "What do you say we go, Sameer?"

Sameer pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Mummy. Please? Just five more minutes." The lady nodded and Sameer continued to swing to his heart's content.

Minutes passed and the mother stood and called again to her son. "Time to go now?" Again Sameer pleaded, "Five more minutes, Mum. Just five more minutes." The lady smiled and said, "O.K."

"My, you certainly are a patient mother," the woman responded.

The lady smiled and then said, "My older son Haitham was killed in a road accident last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent as much time with Haitham as I could have, and now I 'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Sameer. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch him play."

Lets spare some quality time with those who are near dear to us lest a time comes when we wished we had the opportunity but it is no longer there...

 

Best Way of Expressing Islam

Best Way of Expressing Islam

 

Once the Messenger of Allah Muhammad [Peace be upon him] was asked:

 

"What is the best way of expressing Islam?"

He [pbuh] replied:

 

"It is to provide food for those who need it and to greet with peace those whom you know as well as those whom you do not know." [Hadith-Sahîh al-Bukhârî]