The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:
"Allah grants the same reward to the one who gives a fasting person to break the fast a mere date, or a drink of water, or a sip of milk."
"And whoever gave a person who fasted water to drink, Allah shall grant that giver to drink from My fountain, such a drink where after that person shall never again feel thirsty until he enters Jannah." [Hadith-Bahaiqi]
It is narrated by Abu Huraira (may Allah Almighty be pleased with him) that the blessed messenger of Allah Almighty said,
'Indeed your Lord (Almighty) says, 'The reward of every good action is between 10 times its amount to 700 times its amount, (however), the fast is (solely) for me, and I alone will reward it, and the fast is a shield from the fire of hell. The odour from the mouth of the fasting man is more fragrant to Allah Almighty than musk. If an ignorant man speaks foul to any one from amongst you who is fasting then say, 'I am fasting'". (Hadith Sahih Bukhari)
Proven Techniques for a Successful Positive Change this Ramadan
You CAN do it!!!
The Messenger of Allah Muhammad[peace be upon him] has said,"Almighty Allah says, 'I treat my slave (man) according to his expectations from Me, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him in My heart…. if he walks towards Me, I run unto him."[Hadith-Qudsi]
Make this Ramadan the month of "Change"..Are You Ready for it???
"Change" is the vogue today. "Change" is being chanted by the Presidents to rally up public support; "Change" is being demanded by the masses suffering due to skyrocketing fuel and commodity prices; "Change", a drastic one indeed, is what we are witnessing with awe in the global weather patterns.
For Muslims, Ramadan is the prime time for change. This month dramatically alters our routines and schedules. From tight sleep schedules, to hunger for extended hours, to reduction in consumption of junk foods, to a technology diet; to withdrawal from caffeine addiction, to lengthy standing in Taraweeh prayers at night, to extensive listening to the Quran. What a change indeed!
Beyond Routines and Rituals
The real change, however, Ramadan demands of us is the internal change – a change that positively transforms our lifestyle, character, attitudes, conversations, and habits. Allah has described this change in the month of Ramadan as follows: "O you who believe, fasting has been ordained on you as it was decreed upon those before you so that you may adopt Taqwa[Taqwa is Allah consciousness ]" (2:183 [Quran 2:183].
Slavery to Ramadan?
If our change is limited to outer physical practices only, we become slaves to Ramadan, instead of being servants to Ar-Rahman (Allah, the Merciful).
Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him] has warned us about those who don't fast from bad behaviour:
"Allah has no interest in any person's abstention from eating and drinking, if that person does not give up lying and dishonest actions" [Sahih al-Bukhari].
Ramadan Resolutions
Every Ramadan we make resolutions and tell ourselves: "This Ramadan will be different. I'm going to change my ______ habit." "I will give up ………", "I will take my practice of Islam to the next level". But how many of us are really able to follow through? Plenty of good intentions, many amazing wishes, but sadly enough, life goes on as usual the morning of Eid.
Ask yourself, how is my fasting benefitting my spiritual connection with Allah? How is my extensive worship in Ramadan helping me discipline my tongue (taste and speech), eyes, ears, and habits?
Are you ready to take that first step to transform your bad habits into good ones?
Ways to Kick Bad Habits
Few things are more demanding than eliminating bad habits, since they are part of our daily routines and personality. It takes days of patience and practice to break old habits.
However, the good news is, Ramadan offers a perfect and natural environment for moral training. Interestingly, researches from "positive psychology" (scientific study of successful people) have repeatedly shown it takes between 30 to 40 days to kick a bad habit and develop a new one.
In addition to the physical discipline during the month of Ramadan, the increased spiritual exercise and connection with Allah, can transform your habits for life.
Try these proven techniques for a successful positive change in your habits during Ramadan and beyond!
1. Acknowledge and Identify your bad habits: First step is to admit you need to change. If you are in a state of denial, you won't recognize that you have a bad habit to change.
2. Pick a habit for this month: Prioritize your bad habits and focus on one for this month. If you are committed to changing at least one habit, you will see remarkable results, Allah-willing.
3. Realize that it's in us to change: Don't believe the old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." You can break a bad habit if you really want to. No one else can change your habits, if you don't want to.
4. Remember, Allah loves those who commit mistakes and repent: Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him] said:
"By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them." [Sahih Muslim]
5. Intention & Plan to change: "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." A healthy process of change in character requires a gradual pace, which entails planning. Develop concrete milestones to measure your progress.
6. Replace a bad habit with a good one: Completely eliminating a habit is more challenging than replacing it with a more productive habit. Moreover, it's crucial to replace the lost natural needs, such as the need to socialize and to be entertained with something healthy.
For instance, it's easier to replace or balance your addiction to TV with a physical workout or reading, than to suddenly remove the TV from your life. Interestingly, Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him], the greatest 'psychologist' of humanity, illustrated this principle in these words:
"Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow up an evil deed with a good one which will wipe (the former) out, and behave good-naturedly towards people." [At-Tirmidhi]
7. Change your Environment: Resist the negative peer pressure by finding a better company of friends. Collective action to change is very powerful. Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] explained this peer pressure effect with this analogy:
"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace." [Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim]
8. Exercise: Spiritual exercise is important for lasting change. You may not realize that by exerting your yourself in spiritual exercises like the reading of Quran and Hadith, fasting, giving charity, Zikr[remembering Allah] etc helps in eliminating a number of bad habits. Through the spiritual light of doing noble deeds evil ones will gradually be eradicated from your life. Allah says : "Indeed, Salah restrains from Shameful and unjust deeds" [Quran:29:45]. A person complained to the Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] about someone who read salaah and also committed theft .The Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] said "His salaat will very soon wean him off that sin.' This shows that the evil habits can be got rid of by adhering to good practises. The doing of good deeds such as remembering Allah cleanses the heart. A clean heart encourages a person to do good deeds and refrains one from evil habits!
Moreover, exercising your will power (struggle to fight temptations) for this month helps you kick all kinds of bad habits and form new good ones. Willpower is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the more you strengthen it.
9. Think of yourself as a changed, different, new person. This simple psychological shift in your thinking about your own image can do wonders. Tell yourself, "I can't continue this ill-behaviour. I am better than that. I am stronger. I am wiser."
10. Reward success: The most fundamental law in all of psychology is the "law of effect." It simply states that actions followed by rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Unfortunately, studies show that people rarely use this technique when trying to change personal habits.
Setting up formal or informal rewards for success greatly increases your chances of transforming bad habits into good ones, and is far more effective than punishing yourself for bad habits or setbacks. As Muslims we should also remember that the ultimate reward is Allah's Pleasure and Paradise in the Hereafter.
11. Get help: Tell someone about your effort to change if it helps. He or she may keep you on track and may offer some good advice. Read books that will encourage you to do virtues actions. Join programs in your local Mosque. Ladies should endeavour to join their local Taalimi Halqas. There are good and sincere people who are ready to assist. We are not an island- We are an Ummah!
12. Boost your spiritual immune system: By fasting,doiung good actions, spending time in the Mosque or going in the path of Allah will boost your Imaan[faith] which will provide you with internal strength to overcome temptations to reverting to old bad habits.
13. Remind yourself of Death and Hereafter often: "Remember often the terminator (or destroyer) of all the pleasures [i.e. death]," the Prophet [peace be upon him]once stated. [At-Tirmidhi.]
14. Resolve to continue on and follow up: Giving up bad habits or learning good habits requires regular maintenance and determination. It is a long, ongoing process, also known as "Tazkiyyah" in Islamic terminology. It's more difficult than the first few steps of change. ("How many times have I dieted, for example, only to gain the weight back?"). So ensure that you follow up. Link yourself to a good Allah-fearing Islamic Scholar and make a habit of spending time in Allah path.
15. Develop a relapse strategy: How do you ensure not to return to your bad habit you are trying to change? Some people donate money to a good cause every time they return to sinning or a bad habit. This reminds them of the 'cost' of going back to old bad habits. Others try physically demanding acts to deter them from reverting to old ways. For example that if you do___ act than you will keep three fast or pay so much sadaqah[charity] etc
16. Ask Allah for Help: MOST IMPORTANT!-Make Asking for Allah's Help an integral part of the overall change process. Ask for Allah's Help before, during and after every attempt at kicking a bad habit. Do so sincerely, even begging and crying, like a child does when he or she really wants something. Allah is Ever-Willing to Help and to Respond to our needs, but it is us who must take the first step towards Him. Allah will NEVER disappoint us!
"And whosoever is conscious of Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He (Allah) will make a way for him to get out (from) every (difficulty), and He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine." [Quran 65:2-3]
Yes, when was the last time you raced with your wife???
You might mockingly or disapprovingly smile, yet the question remains, for it bespeaks an invitation to you to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, in his kind attitude toward his wives. If you claim to follow and love the Noble Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, Sunnah, in keeping a beard, cleaning your teeth with a Siwaak (tooth stick) and shortening your clothes to reach above the ankle, you are likewise required to emulate him in the way he treated his spouses .
Rasulullah sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "He is the best amongst you who is the kindest towards his wives and I am the kindest amongst you towards my wives."
Thus, racing was a compassionate gesture of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, in order to be friendly and open with his wives.
'Aa'ishah [Allah be pleased with her] narrates that as a young and thin girl, she was once accompanying the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, on one of his journeys. He, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam asked his Companions to move ahead of them, which they did. He, sallaallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, then asked to race with her; she did and won. Some time later, after she had forgotten about this, she was with the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, on another of his journeys and he wanted to race her. She wanted to excuse herself, by telling him she could not, since she had gained some weight, but he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, insisted. They raced and this time he won; so the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, laughed and said; "This [is] for that."
Some husbands contend that they do not race with their wives because they are too busy and have many responsibilities. Our retort is that by no means can they be busier than the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, who bore the responsibility of conveying the Message of Islam to the entire world. He also led the army in combat alongside running errands for his family and doing household chores. Nevertheless, all this did not stop him from twice racing with his wife 'Aa'ishah[RA] .
Other husbands might argue that the streets are not a suitable place for racing; so, they can surely take their wives away from people, on a picnic. Moreover, competition is not just in running. One can compete to win in a permissible electronic game or general knowledge quiz, in which one can ask each other questions and keep score.
A third group of husbands believes that such competitions may cause their wives to become too bold and eventually challenge them. This is not true, because the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, raced with his wife, so this is an act to be followed, for copying his behaviour with his wives can bring nothing but good. Also, modern research has established that being kind and easygoing with one's wife makes it easier for her to be mindful of you.
There are lessons to be learned from the aforementioned incident related by 'Aa'ishah concerning the Prophet's, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, kindness toward his wives.
1- The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was the one to ask for a race both times. This teaches husbands that they should take the initiative in such competitions. Wives may be too busy with housework or fear rejection or, as is the generally innate nature of women, be too shy to propose such an idea. However, on their part, they should try to urge their husbands when they see they are free and in a good mood.
2- A husband should not incessantly brag of superiority over his wife. We notice that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, outran 'Aa'ishah after she had already outran him the first time.
3- Alternately, a husband should neither always deliberately lose for the sake of his wife or the competition would be meaningless. The factor that decided the win of 'Aa'ishah the first time was her youth and fitness, and when she put on some weight, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, outran her.
4- A husband should remember that such competitions are just for amiability and fun. Neither of the spouses should get worked up or a row could ensue and the activity would lose its desired aim. This can be understood from the reaction of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, who only cheerfully referred to his win to counter that of 'Aa'ishah's .
By Faraz Ibn Adam
As the days come to closer to one's marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one's happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.
If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world.
The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one's life.
The first couple of months are always a 'honeymoon'. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.
The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.
This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.
The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.
He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.
The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:
1. Know their feelings
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : "I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying "By the God of Mohammad" but when you are angry you swear by saying "By the God of Ibrahim". She said: You are right, I don't mention your name."
The husband and wife should be aware of each other's feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband's behaviour. By being conscious of one another's feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife's feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband's feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the 'flicker' alight.
2. Console her
Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down.
This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.
3. Laying in the wife's lap
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife's lap.
How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of your wife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.
4. Combing the spouse's hair:
Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.
This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.
5. Drinking and eating from one place:
Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.
Do things together with your wife. Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?
6. Kissing: -
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife.
Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.
When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.
Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, "actions speak louder than words." Show your spouse you love her. Sharī῾ah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam categorically stated,
"Conjugal relations with your wife is a sadaqah."
7. Lifting the morsel to her mouth
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife's mouth."
The husband and wife should make these gentle gestures to exhibit their love and appreciation. Feed your spouse with your own hands now and then. This will rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.
8. Assisting her in the housework:
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself.
Without being asked, if the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his/her spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. So if the husband was to be considerate and realise his wife works hard, this will touch the wife. Likewise, if the wife was to go out of her way to see to the needs of her husband being considerate, it will induce a great spark of love between the two.
9. Telling her stories
Discuss stories and events with your spouse. Engage in light hearted discussions with her-something to laugh and joke over. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam on many occasions would discuss stories, events and have light hearted discussions. The famous story narrated by Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha regarding Umm Zar' is evident.
This is one angle which is neglected more so than often. It is all 'business' between the husband and wife. They do not get into light hearted conversations. Instead, the husband rings his friends and chuckles with them. The wife on the other hand giggles during the day with her friends. This should not be the case. Focus and divert all your amusement and entertainment at your spouse. If you want to laugh, then let it be that you are laughing with your wife.
Make it a point in your busy schedule daily where you sit with your wife and do nothing but have fun with her.
10. Sharing happy occasions with her:
Once when the Ethiopians were practicing target shooting in the masjid complex, the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stood with his wife watching. Not only did the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stand with his wife, he put his cloak around her. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam although he had other jobs to do, he stayed there standing with his wife. He only went when his wife wanted to go.
A husband should be one who shares happy occasions and experiences with his wife. When it is raining, cold or sunny, one should shelter his wife.
You should be willing to sacrifice your errands to spend time with your wife. When the spouse sees sacrifice for her sake, it will create immense love and respect in their heart.
11. Racing with his wife
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would exercise and play with his wife also. The famous incident of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam challenging his wife to race is well known.
When a couple can have such good times together, it only ignites the love even more.
12. Calling her by a beautiful name:
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife 'Humairā'' out of love. Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan. This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa'.
Call your spouse nice sweet names. One has to show his partner love and affection in every little thing. One needs to feed love constantly to his spouse to keep the flame burning.
Once the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stared into his wife's eyes. He was gazing at the world within his wife's eyes. He then said to Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha in praise of her beauty,
"How white are your eyes."
This is what is needed. The husband and wife should be constantly complementing and praising each other. The husband has to show his love and attraction to his wife. The wife needs to show her infatuation for her husband. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights.
13. Dress for your spouse
Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: "As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them." (Qur῾ān 2 :228.)
This is another area where many spouses fail. The wife only dresses when it is a special occasion. The husband on the hand stays scruffy and does not take care to be neat and tidy. If the couple want their everyday to be a special occasion like their wedding day, they must dress to impress!
The wife should wear the clothing which pleases her husband. Likewise, the husband should wear what the wife likes. Every time the husband and wife glance at each other, the glance should arouse them and stir up more love for their spouse. This will ignite the love in the heart.
14. Utilising perfume:
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would have a container for perfume. He would use perfume constantly.[xii] One should make an effort to smell good for his wife all the time. Looking good, keeping clean, smelling nice compliments a relationship exceptionally. Make sure you hair is tidy, your clothes are neat and you smell pleasant. This will attract your spouse always and inject affection into the marriage.
15. Do not talk about her private matters:
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam described the one who discloses his wife's affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.
Whatever occurs between yourself and your spouse should remain between you two. How unmanly and shameful is it when a husband discusses his wife to his friends? The secrets and issues of the spouse must not be narrated at all to anyone. Do not talk about your wife to others. Your wife is for you. You are for your wife. Your fidelity and loyalty should always be to your spouse.
16. Loving & respecting their families
Another great factor to contribute to a healthy relationship is to love and cherish the family of your spouse. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was once asked whom he loved the most. He replied, "Aisha." When the questioner rephrased his question and asked from amongst the men, he replied, "Her father."
The Prophet could have easily said Abu Bakr. His answer displays such intelligence and ingenuity, that in one response he displayed his devotion to his wife and her family. He exhibited his fondness for his in-laws. Imagine how happy his wife Sayyidah Aisha would have become upon hearing this response?
Compliment your in laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family. Your wife will really appreciate this.
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
What a night!
By Abdur Rahmaan Umar
"So, sheikh," asked Ahmed fidgeting with his topee(hat), "Why did Allah put this night of Shabe Bara'at(Lailatul Bara'at) right here so near to Ramadaan. I mean in two weeks time we have the greatest month with all the forgiveness and good things.... so why would Allah want to put this night of forgiveness so close?"'
Without waiting for a response he continued, "In Ramadaan we have the special night of Qadr. So there is really no need for this night, is there? Maybe it should have been in another part of the year?"
Sheikh Hamaad quietly shifted in his seat, his tasbeeh moving in synch with his mouth, saying nothing he continued paying careful attention to Ahmed's words.
"So what's the meaning of this?" said Ahmed his face distorting with confusion.
Sheikh Hamaad wordlessly gathered his thoughts. Such questions he knew were always better explained by way of example. He continued stroking his beard and a few white hairs fell onto his kurtha(thobe). He meticulously picked up each one of them then began:
"Hmmm, have you ever helped your mother with the washing?" he enquired still searching for any stray hair that may have gone unnoticed.
"You know I don't do that sort of stuff," Ahmed shot back without a pause, his head jerking back in surprise.
"Perhaps you should help your mother," advised Sheikh, "but I'm sure you've watched her do the washing."
"Yea, sometimes," replied Ahmed shifting his topee(hat) over his face, "I try to help....sometimes, but..."
Sheikh Hamaad didn't wait for his full defence but continued, "Have you noticed how she takes out some garments with really bad stains on them? And then she gives them a bit of a pre-wash, usually spraying one of those many new cleaners on the stain for good measure."
Ahmed's eyebrow lifted as he remembered, "Yea, I've seen her do that a couple of times. Usually its Little Joe's.... errr...Yusuf's clothes with all the food stains." He shot a quick glance at his own T-shirt - quick check for any stains.
"Well, in the same way ..., " explained Sheikh Hamaad his Tasbeeh resting quietly on his lap, "Ramadaan is a great month and it's meant to purify and elevate us all. But some of us, actually all of us, need a bit of a pre-wash. So Allah Ta'ala, in His mercy has granted this night. So we can be cleansed of our sins before Ramadaan."
"Then what will Ramadaan do for us," question Ahmed, "Isn't Ramadaan supposed to be for that?"
"For some, but what Allah really wants is to elevate our stages in Ramadaan, so He grants us these opportunities to cleanse ourselves of all sins and to use Ramadaan to pour His mercies upon us. And for us to be drawn closer to Him."
"Wow!" exclaimed Ahmed, "Allah is really very merciful. But what about those few who will not be forgiven like the drunkard, the one who is disobedient to his parents, those who drink alcohol...and the one who wears his trousers below his ankles...and...Ay, I can't remember the others."
"Yes, there are a few that Allah will not forgive. To add to your list those who harbour enmity against one another, those who sever family ties, idol worshippers and those who commit adultery and murder."
"So Allah will never forgive them!" cried Ahmed, "They're doomed then!"
"No, no it's not like that," Sheikh softened his voice to calm Ahmed, "Allah will forgive whoever he wants but these people have committed such crimes that will require a very special effort on their part to get forgiven."
"Like the really, really stubborn stains?" Yusuf smiled, pleased at understanding the Sheikh's example.
"Yes, they will have to give up their ways and make sincere Tauba, repentance to Allah before He will forgive them. They must make a firm resolution never to commit that crime again and be very remorseful of what they did in the past. And if they turn to Allah on this special night He will forgive them too."
A silence filled the room as the two became awed by the magnanimity of Allah's mercy.
Sheikh wiped the little moisture that gathered in his eyes and continued, "And you notice all these crimes beside idolatry are crimes against man. Man upon man! Not crimes against Allah Ta'ala?"
"Yup, that's true," replied Ahmed, "Never really noticed that ... but you right."
"That's how much Allah cares for us, that it's not only what we do with Him but what we do to one another that's so important."
Ahmed continued staring at his T-shirt for a while, waiting for the tears to settle, then he asked, "So what should I do on this night?"
Sheikh Hamaad closed his eyes contemplating the long list of activities usually prescribed for this night and knew that many of them were not substantiated from the Ahadith.
"You need to do just two things."
"Just two things!" exclaimed Yusuf
"Firstly you must make sure that you are not one of those that Allah has mentioned as stubborn stains, and if you are then you must repent and make Tauba (Repent). If you have been disobedient to your parents or cut off family ties then you must set this right first. It doesn't help you try to earn Allah's pleasure while these things still hang over your head."
"And the second thing?" he asked while the Sheikh paused to sip some water.
"The second thing is to do those things that will draw Allah's attention and earn His pleasure like reading the Quran, salaah, zikr and of course, dua to beg Him for His Mercy and Favours."
A broad smile covered Ahmed's face, "I am so glad Allah Ta'ala granted us this opportunity for a pre-wash before Ramadaan. Allahu Alkbar!"
Are you happy?
We are all searching for happiness. In achieving this happiness our attitude in life plays a crucial role.
After years of hard and dedicated service to his Company, Ahmed was being appointed at an elegant reception as the new Director. It was a small function where his wife Fatimah, a Home Executive, and some of the wives of the other persons in top management were also present.
In an adjacent room, Ann, the wife of the CEO of the Company, asked Ahmed's wife a very odd an usual question; "Does your husband make you happy?"
The husband, Ahmed, who at that moment was not at her side, but was sufficiently near to hear the question, paid attention to the conversation, sitting up slightly, feeling secure, even filling his chest lightly in pride and hope, knowing that his spouse was a role model Muslimah and would definitely not publically lower or degrade her husband, would answer affirmatively, since she had always been there for him during their marriage and generally in life. Nevertheless, to both his and the others' surprise, she replied simply;
"No, no he doesn't make me happy…"
The room became uncomfortably silent, as if everyone were listening to the spouse's response. There was a sudden coldness in the air. The husband was petrified. A frown appeared on his face. He couldn't believe what his wife was saying, especially at such an important occasion for him. To the amazement of her husband and of everyone!
Fatimah sat up firmly, moved her elegant black hijab in place, and explained in a modest but stern tone to the other wives who were present;
"No, he doesn't make me happy… I AM HAPPY. The fact that I am happy or not doesn't depend on him, but on me. Allah Ta'ala is Most Wise and has granted each of us intellect and discretion to reason, interpret and decide. Allah Ta'ala made me the person upon which my happiness depends. I make the choice to be happy in each situation and in each moment of my life. If my happiness were to depend on other people, on other things or circumstances on the face of this earth, I would be in serious trouble! Over my life I have learned a couple of things: I decide to be happy and the rest is a matter of 'experiences or circumstances;' like helping, and understanding, accepting, listening, consoling; and with my spouse, I have lived and practiced this many times. Honestly true happiness lies in being content"
Relieved and reassured, a smile was clearly noticed on Ahmed's face.
Moral: Happiness will always be found in contentment, forgiveness and in loving yourself and others. To truly love is difficult, it is to forgive unconditionally, to live, to take the "experiences or circumstances" as they are, facing them together and being happy with conviction. There are those who say I cannot be happy :
· Because I am sick.
· Because I have no money.
· Because it's too cold.
· Because they insulted me.
· Because someone stopped loving me.
· Because someone didn't appreciate me.
But what you don't know is that you can be happy even though you are sick, whether it is too hot, whether you have money or not, whether someone has insulted you, or someone didn't love you, or hasn't valued you.
The Noble Messenger of Allah Ta'ala is reported to have said: "The happiness of the son of Adam depends on his being content with what Allah has decreed for him…the misery of the son of Adam results from in his discontent with what Allah has decreed for him." (Hadith- Tarmidhi)
Being Happy is an attitude about life and each one of us must decide!
Being Happy, depends on you!
